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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635567">When The Bell Tolls</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CombatBootsandDreams/pseuds/CombatBootsandDreams'>CombatBootsandDreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Glow in the dark [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(mostly), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Co-workers, Depression, Elias Bouchard Being a Bastard, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Monster Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, No beta we kayak like Tim, POV Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha is dead, Tim &amp; Jon are talking and bonding, Tim want's Jon to look him the eye, avatar's are all friends, canon typical self loathing, people do things and regret them, that is poorly, then they apologize, they are working towards being friends, this goes about as well as expected</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:09:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CombatBootsandDreams/pseuds/CombatBootsandDreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Her eyes weren’t blue. Tim knew that. They weren’t blue, not like the thing that replaced her. Sasha’s eyes weren’t blue, but he couldn’t figure out which color they were. <br/>Or: It's the anniversary of Sasha's death and no one is handling it well. Least of all Tim who still can't remember what she looked like.<br/>Or: Tim is sad, Martin is worried, and Jon accidentally uses his powers on Tim and they talk about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist &amp; Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Glow in the dark [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When The Bell Tolls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you for all the sweet comments on my other stories. This story handles kind of a lot so tell me If I didn't tag something I should have.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her eyes weren’t blue. Tim knew that. They weren’t blue, not like the thing that replaced her. Sasha’s eyes weren’t blue, but he couldn’t figure out which color they were. He had seen them, fleetingly, in a dream or maybe it was a memory? She had brown hair, curly and pretty, and puffy. Nothing like that thing’s long, straight hair. She had been trading tips with Jon about how to apply eyeliner, but he couldn’t remember her face. Why couldn’t he remember her face?</p><p>Tim awoke with a start, breathing heavy. Sasha. It was the day she died, in both memory and life, and Tim hated it. Hated that The Stranger had taken another person from him, hated that at least he could remember Danny looked like. Hated himself for all the times he wished he couldn’t. Hated the fact that Timothy Stoker couldn’t remember what color Sasha James’s eyes were. Martin’s eyes were hazel, brown-green and so warm you’d think he could belong to The Desolation. Melanie’s were brown too, a cold brown, so cold you could get lost in the fact that if her eyes showed that she hated you that much you wondered how much hate you couldn’t see. On her good days though, on her good days, you’d think she could light up the world with how much light could fit into those two dark eyes. Basira’s eyes never left the pages of her book, filled with so much apathy and Tim wondered if his eyes had ever looked like that. </p><p>Timothy Stoker couldn’t describe Jonathan Sims’s eyes, not now. They were brown, and when they were in research together they were filled with so much passion, even when the rest of him betrayed how tired he was, never his eyes. Then he became The Archivist, and all that passion started to look more and more like fear, and all the good parts started to fade. Then like magic everything started to get better, Tim likes to imagine that Jon’s eyes were filled with hope then, but he wouldn’t know. That was about the time Tim and Jon stopped seeing eye to eye. Not figuratively, that had been happening for a while, but it was when Jon stopped looking people in the eye. Now, he knows that it was because Jon was coming into his powers. Because Jon had started to make friends like him, other avatars who supported him. At the time Tim had taken a sick satisfaction in it, that Jon wouldn’t look him in the eye. That it meant he was winning something. Now, now there was a lot he would give for Jon to look him in the eye again, without fear.</p><p>[What Tim didn’t know, was that hadn’t been fear of him. Not for a long time, it was fear for him.]</p><p>Tim showed up to work late and in pajama bottoms and a floral button-up. No one would call him on it and it’s not like he could be fired for it, take that asshole. When he gets there Martin isn’t looking much better, and dammit how could he have forgotten that Martin had been friends with Sasha too and had found out in the same way he had. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else. Someone reminded him, Tim wasn’t sure who though, it could have been his therapist, but that wasn’t quite, it had been Sasha. After a bad break up and Sasha had taken him to lunch at his favorite spot and paid even though Tim had insisted he should and made sure he was okay, ignoring she had just been getting over an equally rough end to a relationship the week prior. He remembered her dark blue coat, and her curly, puffy, brown hair but still not her face, never her face.</p><p>Martin pushed a cup of hot tea into his hands the minute he walked through the door. He looked like he had been crying and Basira looked deeply uncomfortable and Tim was hoping the two had nothing to do with each other with the three options for that scenario playing out as 1.) Marin was crying and Basira found him and did nothing. 2.) Basira found Martin crying and tried to help but it went sideways. Or 3.) Basira made Martin cry and Tim honestly hoped there was another explanation.</p><p>The objectives board that had been put up because Jon, Martin, Tim, and Sasha could get fairly derailed when searching for answers and researching statements had a whiteboard with their objectives and their respective due dates to keep everyone on track. It just said </p><p>‘Go through the debunked statements pile again, I don’t expect anyone to get work done today, if you even come to work, just hang out? Leave early if you’d like.’ </p><p>So, it looks like Jon was affected by today too because he never put just fuck off days on the objective board. Just heavily implied them and on their birthday’s would set them off to work on a case but the numbers were just their birthday and the “case” was a signed birthday card. When everything was still good. Tim wondered if things could still be good. The tea was good, but it was Martin’s and it was always good. So, he just sat in his office chair with his tea still steaming and did nothing. Martin didn’t try to say anything, just went into the break room.</p><p>Elias came down maybe and three hours later and Tim’s tea had been drank and replaced at least three times by Martin. He had slipped into Jon office and not 15 minutes later there had been some yelling and Elias was chased out by something slamming against the wall. He had looked slightly put out by that which means Jon had probably chucked something at the man’s head and barely missed. Good, Elias had known Sasha had been replaced and was probably one of the last living people who knew what she had really looked like, and he didn’t deserve it. Tim wondered why he hadn’t asked, he thinks Melanie might have known, Tim wonders why he doesn’t ask her. Tim wonders if it’s because he’s not sure he deserves to know what she really looked like. </p><p>Sasha had curly brown hair and owned a blue coat. She was short, shorter than Tim and Martin but taller than Jon.</p><p>“Should someone check on him?” Melanie asked playing with a knife.</p><p>“Probably.” Basira responds as Melanie hands her the knife.</p><p>“I can do it.” Martin volunteers quickly and helpfully like he has been looking for an excuse to do it all along.</p><p>“No. I want to do it.” His voice surprises even himself, it was raspy, so Tim coughed and rubbed his eyes. When and he started crying? When had he stopped? Take a deep breath and start over.</p><p>“I want to talk to him.” There, clear voice, ignore the looks of shock.</p><p>“Are—are you sure that’s a good idea?” Martin asked.</p><p>“Yeah, you and Sims haven’t been on the best terms recently.” Basira cosigns. That had been true, the number of good days between him and Jon hadn’t surpassed the number of bad days, but neutral days had surpassed the bad days and they had both taken that as a sign of progress.</p><p>“I want to talk to him okay, okay.” He says not letting anyone respond before walking into Jon’s office.</p><p>“I’m fine—Mar—oh! Hi Tim.” Jon says still not looking up from where he was cleaning up papers from the thrown box.</p><p>Tim kneels and starts to help, and he sees Jon’s hands shake for a second.</p><p>“You don’t have to do that.” Jon says like he’s trying to keep his voice even.</p><p>“Hey, Jon—um—you—think—um.” Tim isn’t sure what he wants to ask, or maybe he does.</p><p>“Would it help if I asked?” Jon asked nervously as if Tim would hit him for asking, and maybe he thought Tim would. Or yell at him till his lungs burst and he had to stop for air. Damnit, Tim really thought they were passed that stage. Jon talking to him like he was walking on broken glass, waiting for the action that would cause Tim to pick a piece of it up and cut him with it. Waiting for the one phrase that was going to set Tim off into a fury and decide Jon wasn’t worth the work.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I think it would.” Tim’s surprised by his answer. Jon is to by the way he jumps, almost looking Tim in the eye but just missing it.</p><p>“Oh, okay then, what do you want to ask me?” Jon asked tilting his head down again.</p><p>“What did Sasha look like?” He blurted out, it was always like that with compulsions, you never really had to think about it, just said it. That startles Jon something awful and Tim doesn’t know what to do and it doesn’t look like Jon knows what to do either but then in his shock. Jon looks up, and they lock eyes.</p><p>There was a glimmer of fear there, in the beginning, then that’s all he can see, is fear in Jon’s eyes. Except it’s not fear of him, it’s fear for him, and then he knows why. He’s trapped, can’t look away, and is stuck in those eyes, paralyzed by them, and feels so very scared, and so very seen by those two brown eyes. He wonders if this is how Sasha felt as the not-them took her, cold and seen and terrified. </p><p>Sasha had freckles, lots of them, and brown eyes, wide brown eyes, not with flecks of gold or green just dark brown eyes, and Tim remembers thinking that they were the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen.</p><p>Sasha wore a yellow sundress to work once and Tim thinks he fell a little bit in love.</p><p>Jon’s eyes are brown too, were brown. They’re green now, not a normal green, bright green, like the vats of toxic sludge in kid’s movies. Tim can’t shake the feeling that those eyes are taking apart everything he is, looking at everything he is, and for one moment.<br/>He <br/>Sees<br/>Everything<br/>Then, everything turns into a peaceful, blissful, black.</p><p>When Tim wakes up he’s on the archives cot with a blanket wrapped around him.</p><p>“Guy’s he’s waking up!” Someone, Martin, no one else would sound that excited about someone waking up. Who’s waking up? He’s waking up.</p><p>Who is he?</p><p>Timothy Stoker</p><p>“Hey, Martin.” He says throat raspy again. Basira was reading in the corner, something about the occult. Melanie was sharping her knives, never looking up. Jon was sitting guiltily in the corner and Martin was already pushing a cup of steaming tea in his hands.</p><p>Elias walked in then, and five cold pairs of eyes landed on him. Elias raised his hands as some sort of come in peace motion. It didn’t really look right, which is stupid because raising your hands in a non-threatening manner should not look so fake. Maybe it was the stupid smug look on his face. Maybe it was the fact that Elias made trying to be non-threatening look like such a novel concept. Fucking capitalist bastard.</p><p>“I was just coming in to check on Mr. Stoker here, but he seems to be okay.” Then he turned his eyes on Jon who was still curled up in the corner.</p><p>“You went easy on him.” Elias commented.</p><p>“I wasn’t trying to do it at all.” Jon spat half in anger and half in self-loathing.</p><p>“Now we both know if that was true it wouldn’t have happened at all.” Elias said with his little smile and his trying to be gentle but failing voice because he’s is just terrible.</p><p>Jon curled farther in on himself like if he could make himself small and innocuous enough it would just stop and Tim suddenly hated Elias even more because that’s exactly what Jon used to do when Tim fought with him, curl his arms closer to him and tuck his shoulders in and Tim never wanted to make anyone feel like they did when Elias Bouchard was around because Elias Bouchard was the absolute worst.</p><p>“Now didn’t your mother tell you that if you don’t have something nice to say to not say anything at all.” Melanie quipped.</p><p>Melanie and Jon were weird like that. They could be in the middle of the biggest argument of the century but as soon as someone they both hated entered the immediate area the issue was dropped until they left. United against the common enemy, in this case, it was Elias. This coupled with the knife in her hand, had Elias leaving very quickly. Melanie after confirming the man had left inclined her head at Jon before she went right back to glaring at him.</p><p>“Can I talk to Jon alone?” He asked because how could he not want to talk about what had just happened. </p><p>“Umm did you hit your head? Or do you not remember what happened last time we let you do that?” Melanie asked.</p><p>“I know happened, I just want to talk to him about it.” He snaps at her. She shrugs and leaves dragging Martin with her. Basira slides a knife in his direction before leaving.</p><p>Tim immediately slides the knife out of easy grabbing distance and Jon’s shoulders immediately unclench, hands that were lightly resting on a scar that looks like someone had tried to slit his throat slide back down.</p><p>“You have no idea what happened.” Jon doesn’t say it as a question, he doesn’t need to.</p><p>“Oh, fuck no. I just needed them to leave. How long was I out by the way?” Tim says with a small smile. Jon uncurls just a bit.</p><p>“Maybe 20 minutes, you asked about—about—.”</p><p>“About Sasha, yeah, I remember all that I remember everything till I passed out, I just want to know why I did.” Tim explains.</p><p>Sasha always painted her nails, every color under the rainbow. Tim once convinced her to do his, he kept that polish on even after it chipped mostly off. </p><p> </p><p>“You know Beholding’s nickname, right?”</p><p>“The Eye—oh—OH.” Tim hadn’t actually thought of that, but it made a little more sense especially considering the whole eye thing Beholding avatars had going on, but Tim had never pinned down if that was the chicken or the egg.</p><p>“It’s an ability of mine, I—I could have killed you. The effects vary, you know? From mild unease to death. I can normally control that but.—” Jon stopped talking</p><p>“Rough days diminish your control?” Tim guessed.</p><p>“Pretty much.” Jon shrugged, stretching his legs out just a bit more.</p><p>“You know you could have said something, right?” Tim asked because Jon had to know he could have said something.</p><p>“Could I have? I mean we’ve only been on good terms for maybe five months and we’ve had maybe a month's worth of good days out of that. I just—we just got on good terms and I didn’t want to compromise that with my problems.” </p><p>“THAT’S THE POINT! We’re supposed to come to each other. Friendship’s about having someone to walk through these problems with. If you having supernatural problems was a dealbreaker for our friendship I wouldn’t have tried so hard to fix it. I’m not an idiot, we work for the Magnus Institute and you’re an avatar of Beholding.” Tim shouts because that’s all he thinks he can do at the moment.</p><p>“I don’t think you’re an idiot. I mean I did talk to people about it, just people who could understand better.” Jon says.</p><p>“With your boyfriend, and Jude Perry, and Mike Crew, and Annabelle Cane even though I know you still hate spiders.” Tim snorts a little reflexively, then he thinks he should probably stop dismissing Jon’s friends who had obviously been there for him.</p><p>“Yes! Yes, they were all there when you guys couldn’t be. I’m not blaming you because you were in bad places. I’d never blame anyone for putting their health first and that’s what you should be doing, it’s just I needed to find people who were like me. Who reminded there was a place in this world for me.” Jon explains. Tim thinks Jon looks a little proud of that. At the evidence, he should be allowed to exist in this world. Tim isn’t sure if he should laugh or cry.</p><p>“You looked in Daisy’s eyes.” Tim blurts out and maybe he is an idiot.</p><p>“What?” Jon asked baffled.</p><p>“When she came to the institute, you looked her in the eye.” Tim explains not entirely sure why he was continuing this.</p><p>“Yeah, avatars have a minor immunity, nothing much but enough that if I’m in control a little bit of it slipping out won’t hurt. It’s not a perfect system but it’s something.” Jon explains</p><p>“You think we could try again?” Tim blurts out again and maybe Melanie was right, and he really did hit his head. Or Jon’s eye stuff messed with his head more than previously thought. Tim should probably mention that at some point because he had experienced more than unease and he sure as hell wasn’t dead, but that was kind of a large window for error. Elias had said it wasn’t too bad, but there was no way he was trusting that man with anything involving his head or body or emotions or Tim’s anything because the man was not to be trusted with anything more important than booking him a Taxi and even then it would probably be a terrible Vast taxi or something.</p><p>“I want to see your eyes. It doesn’t seem fair to remember Sasha’s only to forget yours.” Tim says trying to sound casual.</p><p>Tim thinks mentioning Sasha really sealed the deal because after a few seconds of spluttering Jon looks up.</p><p>Jon’s eyes were brown and soft and not scared anymore. Tim was right, they looked so damn hopeful. So, damn happy. </p><p>And when he blinked Tim could see Sasha spinning in that perfect yellow sundress behind his eyelids. With her curly hair, and freckles, and dark brown eyes, and blue coat somewhere off to the side, and suddenly, it didn’t hurt so much.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave a comment or a Kudo if you would be so resigned. If you don't want to though, don't stress. Comment any suggestion ideas and have a great day. The title is based on an Anthony Ramos song. Also, Tim is going to stay very much human in this series.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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